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Navy Veteran. From Minneapolis, MN. Want to know anything, just ask!

jivets:

and-the-blackhearts:

these are the most beautiful places in this world.

Take me here.

diet-prozac:

Biggest plot twist in history.

scruffytheblog:

come-to-my-world:

ahobbyhorsecalledsherlock:

blueklectic:

chainsandshipsexciteme:

ultrafacts:

More facts on the Ultrafacts Blog

can we reinstate cry rooms but for like people who are having too many feels?

I need the book on geniuses

Pretty sure I’m an ambivert

I love these posts oh my gos

are we not going to talk about that last one tho?!

anallova:

grapesngapes:

texan-hick:

ourfamilyfun:

alice-is-wet:

for those who need a giggle tonight ;)

LOL

ohhhh spidey you dog

Jesus - good one :D

ROFL!

anallova:

grapesngapes:

texan-hick:

ourfamilyfun:

alice-is-wet:

for those who need a giggle tonight ;)

LOL

ohhhh spidey you dog

Jesus - good one :D

ROFL!

sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

stuffaboutminneapolis:

Taco Cat Opens In Minneapolis

We are Taco Cat, a bike-only taco delivery service in Minneapolis, MN.Call 612-270-8007 to place an order. We take cash, credit, or barter.

I need to find some southsiders to hang out with and order some of these. Oh, and I love the FAQ’s part of their website…

Q: I’m drunk and what is this?
A: Taco Cat is a late-night, bike-only, taco delivery service in Minneapolis, MN.

Q: Why is Taco Cat delivery only?
A: It’s easier and cheaper for us to operate this way.

Q: Can I pick up my order instead?
A: No.

Q: Do you only deliver on bike?
A: Yes. We should make up some bullshit about sustainability or something, but we just like to bike.

Q: How did Taco Cat start?
A: No one delivered tacos. We stepped up.

Q: Where can I get a Taco Cat shirt/merch?
A: You can add one to your order or pick one up at The Alt bike shop.

Q: Is it Tacocat or Taco Cat?
A: We don’t really know. It’s both.

Q: Did you know that Taco Cat is a palindrome?
A: Yes.

Q: Are your tacos made from cats?
A: No and you aren’t funny.

Q: Are you hiring?
A: Probably not.

Q: Are you a legally licensed business?
A: Who the fuck are you? You want tacos or what?

http://www.tacocatmn.com/

stuffaboutminneapolis:

Taco Cat Opens In Minneapolis

We are Taco Cat, a bike-only taco delivery service in Minneapolis, MN.
Call 612-270-8007 to place an order. We take cash, credit, or barter.

I need to find some southsiders to hang out with and order some of these. Oh, and I love the FAQ’s part of their website…

Q: I’m drunk and what is this?
A: Taco Cat is a late-night, bike-only, taco delivery service in Minneapolis, MN.

Q: Why is Taco Cat delivery only?
A: It’s easier and cheaper for us to operate this way.

Q: Can I pick up my order instead?
A: No.

Q: Do you only deliver on bike?
A: Yes. We should make up some bullshit about sustainability or something, but we just like to bike.

Q: How did Taco Cat start?
A: No one delivered tacos. We stepped up.

Q: Where can I get a Taco Cat shirt/merch?
A: You can add one to your order or pick one up at The Alt bike shop.

Q: Is it Tacocat or Taco Cat?
A: We don’t really know. It’s both.

Q: Did you know that Taco Cat is a palindrome?
A: Yes.

Q: Are your tacos made from cats?
A: No and you aren’t funny.

Q: Are you hiring?
A: Probably not.

Q: Are you a legally licensed business?
A: Who the fuck are you? You want tacos or what?

http://www.tacocatmn.com/